The 2020 Guide To Holiday Communication
Something that we can all agree on regardless of your point of view on politics or social issues is that 2020 has been incredibly difficult for MOST people…
*DISCLAIMER* What you are about to read should not be received as though I am pointing fingers at any one particular political party because the fact is even though I am a democrat I am not speaking to you like that. I am speaking to you as a coach that wants to see families and friends being kind to each other. I am going to start with something that we all know.
Something that we can all agree on regardless of your point of view on politics or social issues is that 2020 has been incredibly difficult for MOST people. None of us were prepared for the country/world to shut down. None of us were prepared to lose our jobs. None of us were prepared for protests down our neighborhood streets. None of us were prepared to see someone being murdered on our Facebook newsfeed.
These are facts. You can try to argue them if you want, but it’s pretty cut and dry that this year has thrown some obstacles our way that look a whole lot like roadblocks that are impossible to get around.
Now that we have agreed on something, let’s get into the nitty-gritty of this blog post:
We are going to explore some possible situations where you may need a little help in the communication department, the holidays are right around the corner!
If you are not going to be going home for the holidays due to COVID safety (but family is still gathering) here is a little sample script that you can use to navigate that: “Hi______! I just wanted to give you a quick call and let you know that I won’t be attending the holiday get together this year. With everything going on it just doesn’t seem to make sense for me. I want to make sure that I keep you all safe and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I got you sick because of unknowingly contracting COVID. However, I would love to video chat with the family on the day of!”
Do not be accusatory about them deciding to have a get-together. You have to think about your safety and the safety of those that you can control. State facts, you could unknowingly contract COVID at any time. You want everyone to be safe. Take responsibility for the decision you are making.
The Holidays/Communication with family members that have fundamentally different views than you do:
* This is for the families that are reasonable enough to try to get along. You know who is toxic in your life and you know who means you harm. I am going to leave it up to you to decide if this advice applies to you, if it doesn’t and you need to distance yourself from certain people for the sake of your mental health, please take the appropriate steps. Family is family, but when they are actively and purposefully destroying your mental health action needs to be taken.
There is an age-old trope that you don’t talk about religion or politics at the dinner table. Why is this? Because religion is something that you have to actively choose to participate in on your own. It’s between you and whatever “god” your religion lends itself to. Religion is based on faith, it is not concrete and the fact of the matter is, no matter how much you wish that you could make someone believe what you believe, they are not going to truly “believe” until they decide for themselves that’s what they need to do. You cannot make them. So why discuss it over pumpkin pie?
Politics? This year? Forget about it.
Politics are difficult because so much of our day to day lives are affected by “politics” and things that shouldn’t even be chalked up to political thinking (like wearing a mask) have become topics that people blow their tops over. So if we are talking straight up, politics, like the election for example…there isn’t a reason for it. If you are having a holiday with your family, that means that chances are, it is after the 3rd of November…actually, if you are reading this the election has already happened. How does it look on the other side? October 23rd Miki would like to know…is it nice? Have people calmed down or should I be nervous?
ANYWAY.
The election is over and there is nothing that your grandma in Ohio can do now so why bring it up?
Here is a guide that I have put together for you to keep you and your family chill this holiday season
(at least when it comes to politics…I can’t help you with your weird Uncle Larry)
1. COMMUNICATE BEFOREHAND
If you know that you may encounter some family members with differing views the first thing I would suggest would be to give them a call. Here is an example script to use if you are at a loss of what to say:
“Hey_______! I am so excited to get together for the holidays! Things have been hard on me this year. I have needed family and togetherness more than I thought I would. Since everything has been so crazy this year do you think we can all agree to not talk about the election or any hot button issues? It would be nice to just enjoy our family that I am so thankful for.”
The most useful way of getting your point across when speaking to someone that may think differently than you is to say things that cannot be disputed. No one will disagree that this year has been hard. No one will disagree that the election is a hot button issue that causes debate. Do not be accusatory, or rude, or aggressive with this request. Just state how this year has made you feel and what your request is.
The reason that I say communicate beforehand is this:
Even if you do not think that the conversation will come up, it might. If you don’t talk about it beforehand then you run the risk of someone mentioning it and tensions rising. If you make it known and you air all of your concerns ahead of the get-together no one will be surprised if you politely ask them to change the subject.
2. HAVE A SAFE WORD
Okay, roll with me here, I know it may sound weird but HAVE A SAFE WORD. This year has been so encapsulating on there being a lot of nothing happening and at the same time, a whole lot of REALLY bad stuff happening. So it is going to be hard to not bring up anything that happened this year. When you talk to your family try to implement a plan in case things go array and someone accidentally brings up something that could potentially make people uncomfortable. It can be anything… “Duck”, “Strawberries”, “Tofu”, “Sunflower” literally anything. Have your family agree on this word and if your mom brings up how she can’t breathe in her mask raise your hand and say, “Duck!”
Hopefully, they will agree to this; if they do not agree, unfortunately, I think that is when you have to make the hard decision of whether or not you want to attend. I know I know I know, that sounds harsh but hear me out: Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I explained that we can all agree that 2020 has been hard? Well, I didn’t lie. It’s been hard. A lot of us have been separated from all the people that we love and care about and have been forced to quarantine in less than desirable places. Listen to your instincts and if your instincts say you should stay home and have a virtual thanksgiving/Christmas do that.
Listen to your heart, grant yourself grace, take care of yourself, and be safe.
Have an amazing holiday season.
Originally published at https://blue-plum-gdz2.squarespace.com on November 5, 2020.
